Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Old Review on "Twatlight"

So today, while on the bus, I had a conversation with my friend, concerning the horrors of the popular monstrosity knows as "Twilight," and the benefits to having Stephanie Meyer imprisoned for gross crimes against humanity.

I told her, I would show her the review I wrote a few years back... so here it is (This is for you, A!)


Name of Book: Twilight
Name of Author: Stephanie Meyer
Give your personal opinion of why or why not you liked the book: No. Just.....No.
This "novel" is one of the worst I've EVER read. Calling Meyer's writing "purple prose" is an insult to the actual color. She portrays, nay, glamorizes, an abusive relationship with bland predictable characters. The main character, Bella, is an overwhelming "Mary Sue" with a few "Mary Sue" faults thrown in to make her seem real. As a long-time fan of vampires, this "novel" depresses me. As a potential novelist, Twilight just enforces my theory that publishers aren't even looking for talented writers anymore. Meyer's use of repetition is annoying and the plot is cliche and overused. Edward and Bella's "love"is shown as nothing more than infatuation and obsession, seeing as he's practically stalking her and watching her sleep. Meyer gives no reason as to why her vampires do anything, seeing as they're indestructible and for some unknown (i.e. asinine, idiotic) reason they sparkle. This should have never been published and Twilight makes it clear that Stephanie Meyer should take various writing courses, because she cannot write, best-seller or no best seller.
Would you recommend this book to your friend? Why or why not?: No, I would not recommend this to ANY of my friends. Someone has to care about their brain cells, seeing as Meyer does not.

There. Done. Haha!

Monday, January 2, 2012

5 Things That NEED to Go Away

So I decided that today, I would blog about stuff in the general and pop culture that needs to go away. Hopefully, before 2012 comes to a close.

To start off:

1. Stupid piercings.

Is it me, or are plugs and gauges the tackiest thing to happen to the world since, well, ever?

I swear people are taking this piercing thing too fucking seriously. What's the point of having earlobes stretched at all? To feel special? Do you want to be a special little snowflake?

I honestly do not understand it. I've had people tell me "they're hot" or such other bullshit. Well, they're not going to be hot ten years from now when you have to get them surgically closed up, because your dumb-ass has fucking skin rings hanging down to your nipple.

2. Hipsters

Jesus Fucking Christ. What is it with the sudden influx of hipster-ism? They're like the newest incarnation of hippies. It's fucking annoying.

Bitch, it is not vintage if it costs more that five bucks.

This trend started with rich kids trying to be poor and now the poor are trying to be like the rich who are trying to be poor. Someone needs to cut one of those off. Especially where I live; It's like bitch, get your little idiotic thin-wheeled, multi-colored bike out of the fucking way before I have my friend run you over, 'mkay?

3. Shuffling


I'm honestly not very sure on how prevalent this particular trend is now, but when I was in high school (which was like one or two years ago), shuffling was the "in" thing. It is fucking stupid. These little children with their annoyingly bright shirts and multi-colored shoes (which, honestly, hurt to look at) and earbuds in their ears, moving around trying to moonwalk and shit, trying so fucking hard to be cool or something; You look fucking stupid.

I remember this one time, in math class, we had just finished and we were waiting for the bell to ring (back in the day!), and this random guy decides to start fucking shuffling in the goddamn classroom like he's important. We were in a bungalow. In a bungalow, some taps their foot, and the person on the other end of the room feels it. This motherfucker, with his epilepsy, or "dancing," shook the floor so fucking hard that, literally, my phone and iPod fell out of my pockets.

I was about to stab someone.

Anyway; shuffling is stupid. Don't do it.

I honestly want to see this die before I'm twenty-one.

4. Mohawks

No. Just... no.

They're as bad as mullets, afros and home-perms. No. For the love of god, no.

Tackiest thing ever: Someone with a mohawk and gauges. Just kill them there and put them out of their misery.

5. Children in Revealing Outfits

I can't even. It's like asking a pedophile "Please! Come kidnap my child!" JFC! Every time I see a poor child dressed up like a two-dollar hooker or a little "pimp" it makes me want to punch someone! Honestly, what are people thinking?

Were you dropped on your head as a child?

What the fuck, parents?


Okay. Rants over. Lol!

Regardless, there you have it. Opinion, by moi.

Don't like it? Tough.

Thanks for Reading! :D

P.S. Leggings are not pants. Just fyi.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Boycott Reality Television; It's Fucking Stupid

So it's a new year. It's 2012, and it found me the way it always does; eating. I was enjoying a warm cinnamon buñuelo, made fresh yesterday, with a cup of cold apple cider. At this point, it's practically a family tradition. I hope all of you had a great time, regardless of what you did, be it getting plastered, spending time with family, or grooming your cats.

This blog post will not be about New Year's Eve, however. No; this post will be about something that pisses me off to no end. Something, that for anyone that knows me, I bitch about all the fucking time:

Reality Television.

I hate reality television with the passion of a thousand burning suns. And I don't mean competition shows like America's Next Top Model or RuPaul's Drag Race, which I don't personally watch, but don't seem to bad. I mean the stupid shows that follow around equally stupid people and their petty drama. Drama which, honestly, I do not understand why anyone gives a shit.

Yes, people. I'm talking about shows like Keeping Up With The Kardashians and Jersey Shore. These shows are about people who are not even marginally important in any way. Kim Kardashian, for example, who does absolutely nothing at all, and got famous off a pornographic video. Honestly, society? Are you fucking serious? Why are we giving someone so distasteful enough to display herself in such a shameful manner, then market herself to the world with said sex tape. Is that all anyone has to do? Film themselves having sex, release the tape, voila! They're famous?

It's stupid. How many of these people who shame pornographic actors, who can be considered the world's worst kept secret (everyone knows about them, but talking about them is taboo!), turn around and applaud Kim Kardashian taking a shit? A woman who is famous for exactly the same thing: taking a dick in front of a camera.

Seriously, I want to know. Why are they important? The "Guidos" on Jersey Shore. They do nothing except make fucking fools of themselves on Cable Television, and then endorse some fucking clothing line which the people gobble up like fucking starved maniacs. It's pathetic. It's stupid. And I don't fucking understand why people don't realize this?

(Note: "Guido" is considered a racial slur toward Italian Americans; do you think this makes MTV racist?)

These idiots do absolutely nothing for society; they're not doctors, they don't work, they're not artists, I'm positive most of them can't hold a note to save their sad existence... Hell! They're not even athletes! Generally, I have a low opinion of athletes and their not doing anything for society, but they, at least, do something for their money. Some of them just get pregnant at an insanely early age and get a fucking television show. Really? What the fuck. All these people do is entertain the idiotic masses with a sham wedding or a fucked up relationship and fist fights and they make millions.

There is something seriously wrong here.

I brought this subject up because there has been a recent phenomenon through the net; the "Boycott Kim Kardashian" website, which is comprised of a lot of ideas I believe are true. Here's the link. If you are outraged by this, I would suggest you sigh this petition and pass it along.

Really, we should have a "Boycott Reality TV" movement.

It's fucking stupid.

P.S. I mostly blame people for liking that shit, but then again, I'm a misanthropist. LOL

Thanks for reading!